Do you suffer from second hand stress? If you feel stressed even if you have not much to complain about, you might react to other people’s negative emotions – absorbing the bad energy and suffering from the consequences… especially if you are highly intuitive.
Sometimes you don’t even know the real cause, it’s just something you sense. One study had children in another room while mothers underwent a certain stressful situation – public speaking with an unfriendly audience. When reunited with their kids, the children of the mothers who suffered more also had elevated heart rates – and they hadn’t even witnessed the stressful situations themselves.
How can you possibly protect yourself from contagious stress?
Take a helicopter view!
It is important to realize that it is not your stress you are suffering from. Take a few seconds to imagine you are high above the stressing situation. See what is causing the stress. Ask yourself, if this stressor has anything to do with you? Consider if in the bigger scheme of things this stress will make a difference in your life in 5 minutes, one hour or tomorrow?
Also explore in what ways you are involved with the stress? How does it influence your life and wellbeing? What are the consequences if you let this stress continue?
What options do you have? Fight or flight? In case of contagious stress many times you have no option to fight as this is just a secondary stress situation. Meaning that if your co-worker suffers from a demanding boss, you really have no chance and fight for your colleague’s better work situation. It is important to fully understand that you can support your co-worker but you cannot solve the situation for him/her.
Boundaries? Build them!
If you became the dumping ground for all stress your family or co-workers go through… you must stop and begin to set up your boundaries. Now this is easier said than done. You might feel bad if you don’t listen and try to help everybody who is stressed. You must think about how you manage your energy. If dealing with other people’s stress take most of your energy, you will simply have nothing left when you get into a stressful situation. It is better to adhere to the boundaries you set up and protect yourself.
You might need to protect your boundaries many times before your co-workers or family understand that you will not get involved in any drama – but you are there to help if you can!
Do something unexpected!
Do you feel your stress level increasing as you react somebody else’s drama? Call out: “Stop” loudly, begin singing or turn your back. The more unexpected, the better. This is usually enough the stop the flow of stress to you. Then protect your boundaries and try to navigate to finding solutions and away from sharing stress.
Cut yourself loose
Sometimes nothing will help but walking away – putting physical distance between you and the other person whose stress is influencing you. Offer a way to help, tough. You can offer a conversation in a few hours’ time when the heat of the stress is gone. Or call the person the next day and concentrate on how you can help them find a solution to the stress they are going through.
Take care of you!
Last but not least, make sure that you do everything to manage your own stress. Taking regular yoga classes can be an excellent way to ensure that you keep your cool in the face of stress – well, most of the time!
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Interesting read, Yoga is a way to control the breath which can control our fight/flight response to stress etc.
I find this to be true when I watch a dark movie. I often feel the need to do something uplifting to bring myself back to a happy place
I like the idea of creating boundaries. I feel this is also important to do when helping someone through depression and negativity. We absolutely absorb others’ feelings, and if it’s hurting us, we have to take a break and do something for ourselves.
Creating boundaries & surrounding yourself with positive people is so important to mental health! I have to remind myself that I can’t always help someone who is stressed but I can control the way I react to it (to protect myself from getting caught up in the negativity). Excellent read!
I agree with Michele. I also like the idea of creating boundaries and separating myself from someone else who may bring stress into my life. This is easier said than done in some situations with people who are close to me. I have the tendency to try and be a fixer therefore I take on a lot of their stress. The helicopter view would benefit me here as I need to ask myself how this will effect my life the next day. Great article!
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My hardest thing is sticking to the boundaries that I have set and realizing when/ how I need to cut the person out if it progresses to that point. I think in some situations it is inevitable to have to cut someone or something out at some points in all our lives.
Solid read. I am so bad with boundaries!! But the benefits and meditation aspects of yoga has taught me to take a step back and not act on emotions.
I absolutely would benefit from creating boundaries. I tend to be the helper of all. I have found recently that I can say “no”- and I realize that the world continues to turn even if I do say no. It also allows those that depend on me too often, find another way or realize that what they are asking may not even be something they truly need.
Taking care of myself first, will allow me to be around longer to care for those I love so much!